Preparing for Childbirth: Why “trust your body” isn’t enough for me.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant.  I have some time to figure this out…but the planner in me wants to absorb every little piece of information that I can about labour and delivery right this second.  I suppose that’s part of my “nesting” phase everyone keeps talking about.  Who knows.

Anyway, I’ve read the book my hospital gave me, as well as the old stand-by “What to Expect”.  I’ve also been reading blogs and websites, and watching videos on youtube.  It’s been recommended that I read anything by Ina May (currently on order at my local library!), while others have suggested books on the Bradley Method, or Hypnobirthing.

Here’s where I run into trouble though.  Despite the preferred method of childbirth you are hoping for (home birth, all-natural, in hospital, c-section, etc.), a lot of the “advice” given to new mothers just seems vague and unhelpful.  Even my friends who have gone before seem to have conveniently forgotten most of the details of their births (either that, or they’re trying to spare me).

A very common piece of advice that irks me to no end, is to trust your body.  Afterall, it will, apparently, know what to do.

Maybe that’s easy for women who haven’t experienced loss, to trust their bodies. Maybe they are able to do this because their bodies haven’t failed them in the past.

But my body has failed me.  Many times.  In terrible, heartbreaking, traumatic ways.

See, I don’t trust my body.  I don’t know that it will do the right thing.  I don’t know that it “knows what to do”…..and worse, I don’t really know how to change how I feel about this.  I guess there are some lingering resentments at play here.  Fair enough.

Early in this pregnancy, I had to rely on daily (if not hourly) meditations and deep breathing exercises where I would practice calming the EFF down.  They were incredibly helpful for me.  As I passed milestones, it became easier to embrace the unknown, enjoy the moment I was in, and see this pregnancy as a totally different pregnancy – but man, was it rough in the beginning.  So, it stands to reason that those skills – meditation and deep breathing – could potentially help me through not only this anxiety I’m currently dealing with, but also during labour itself.  Worth a shot, right?

Here are some meditations and deep breathing exercises I enjoy:

How to Do Deep Breathing (Video)

Guided Meditation for Deep Relaxation (Video)

And a few new ones that look promising:

Deep Breathing for Labour (Video)

Relaxation for Labour (Video)

Hypnobirthing Meditation (Video)

I’m not set on having a specific birth plan either, which I think will help immensely.

I know that probably sounds counter-productive for a type A planner like me…..but the reason I feel that way, is because trying to plan for something that’s completely out of your control just feels like an exercise in futility.  You can try to prepare all you want (and I will, of course!) – but ultimately, what’s going to happen is going to happen.  I’ve seen a lot of women go into this with very strict ideas about how their labour/delivery will go….and then needed an emergency c-section when they wanted a home birth, or begged for drugs even though they were set on having an all-natural birth because the pain was too intense.  (and then feeling sad, disappointed, or angry at themselves afterward)

Learning to be ok with the uncertainty of it all might be the most helpful thing that I’ll be doing to prepare for my own labour, and I would recommend this to others as well.  Thankfully, I have already begun to learn this skill (it’s most certainly a skill – this mindset doesn’t come naturally to me) through my journey with loss and infertility, and it’s served me well so far.  I’ll try to remember to reflect back on that as I get closer and feel even more afraid.

Here are some tips to help you “let go” if you think this might help you:

Feel the Fear and Birth Anyway!

Letting go of Control

Pain is not Wrong – Radical Acceptance

10 Reasons Birth Plans are Stupid

I’m also incredibly lucky, and super thankful that I trust my doctor and nursing team at the hospital I’ll be delivering at.  Working as a nurse in the past has given me a huge amount of respect and understanding for why they do what they do, and an idea about how things might go.   I think a lot of our fears come from the unknown – especially when it comes to labour/delivery.  For me, at least, this part is known.  If you don’t have this experience, the fear of the unknown might be huge for you.  Book yourself a tour of the place you’ll be birthing in.  Ask questions of friends and relatives about their experiences.  I’d also recommend reading about labour and delivery to help.

Here’s some good posts:

New Moms Describe What Labour is Really Like (don’t forget to read the comments!)

How to Prepare for Birth – 8 tips from a Doula

What Happens During Labour and Birth

Common Interventions During Labour & Delivery